Don’t Be Behind the Power Curve
In case you hadn’t heard, OCP’s are coming and it’s definitely good news that people have dreamed of for years. And one of the great things about them is that they have Velcro – sorry – hook and loop fasteners for OCP Patches. Now of course we all know that Mother Air Force will dictate what patches will go where and it will all be called out in the beloved and much respected yet rarely imitated AFI. One thing you can count on for sure, like getting an STD from a Wichita Falls hooker, is that the official Air Force approved OCP Patches will be boring and institutional. We all know that some political climbing, brown-nosing, rank-hungry Blue Falcon of an E-7 will volunteer to design the patches and they will match his or her personality. And we will all roll our eyes at the unveiling while leadership pats each other on the backs for a job well done. In the meantime we will collectively roll our eyes, throw up a bit, and wish that we were in a dumpster with that crack head Wichita Falls hooker, mainly because that’s preferable to the freak show being hosted by Public Affairs.
But there is an escape from the institutional monotony and a way for you to show your individuality while simultaneously flipping the bird at “The Man.” It’s also a way to avoid that lady in the dumpster and it’s called the “Morale Patch”.
Morale patches have been around since WW I and OCP’s are just screaming to carry on the tradition. If your grandfather was in SAC he probably had the one that said, “To Err is Human, To Forgive is Not SAC Policy” and showed the SAC armored glove holding another kind of sack. Then there is the good old “Fun Meter Pegged” and the very popular “Low Beer Warning Light” as well as the more recent “Like a Boss.” Something is growing deep inside you, and no it’s not a craving for pizza. It’s a desire to get an OCP Patch of your very own. Maybe one that says, “DILLIGAF” or the ever popular, “The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves.”
Now one particular writer had this to say about morale patches.
“They are primarily used as identification with a particular unit, such as a division or brigade and are designed to build an esprit de corps within that particular group. The morale patch is generally less formal and a more personal form of identification that those who wear them take pride in their unit and association.”
Yeah okay. Sounds kinda Army to us. The “Fun Meter Pegged” or “Like a Boss” patches build esprit de corps but only in the sense of binding the people at the bottom with their veiled disgust of the people at the top.
Another writer explained them more accurately.
“Morale patches are typically irreverent or humorous and either support a different view of a unit/job, or poke fun at other aspects of military life. By their nature they have been kept quiet over the years in order not to run afoul of the regulation.”
It has been our experience that leadership is usually lacking a sense of humor and generally has a broomstick stuck up their collective afterburners. They seem to live by the motto, “If the military had wanted us to have a sense of humor they would have issued us one.” Truth be told they live in fear of anyone who steps out of the existing norm because they are afraid that they will appear to be incapable of leading their people. Nightmares are made of the phrase, “Loss of confidence” and you getting your own morale OCP patch is stepping out of the norm. You rebel! You non-conformist! How dare you question and think for yourself! The truth is that a good NCO will let his/her people have this little freedom and individuality.
Of course if you get an “unauthorized” OCP patch you will not be able to wear it on the outside of your spanking new OCP’s. People’s heads would explode if you did that. So you wear it on the inside and that’s half the fun. Someone hated walks up to you and secreted inside your OCP coat is a patch that says, “YOU SUCK!” and while they are ranting you are laughing inside know full well that they are clueless regarding the offensive OCP patch.
Perhaps you are an “Embrace the Suck” person or maybe a “If Found Dead, Delete My Browsing History” OCP Patch wearer. “Smart as a Horse and Hung Like Einstein” is a little unsettling to us but that’s the beauty of a custom made OCP Morale Patch. It’s literally whatever floats your boat.
Modern PVC patches are amazing and not your grandfathers embroidered patch. The detail possible on a PVC patch is more than could ever be done on an embroidered one – and they don’t snag and get stained. There are tons of off-the-shelf designs available but if you want something unique then the production coast are very reasonable. You can also give them as gifts and our very popular “Blue Falcon” is designed for that special someone.
But here’s the main point. OCP’s are coming and you don’t want to be the last guy getting an OCP patch because that’s just lame. You are cutting edge, like the Dos Equis World’s Most Interesting Man (or woman), and you are the first in your shop for every new thing that comes out.
And if you are imaginative and have an idea for a great patch you can have them produced and then sell them to the slugs that will always be living in your shadow and following your wake.
So get your OCP Patch today – or just be that go-with-the-flow nerd that claps when the authorized OCP patches are released. Yep – the World’s Least Interesting Man. What a legacy. Might as well get out now and get a civilian cubicle job where people fight for the best stapler and pile into the car at 11:30 every day to go to Chili’s.
Is that what you really want? Of course not! So be that cutting-edge guy and get your OCP patches now. You owe it to yourself.