Never Go Full Retard

A while back Some of my unit buddies and I watched the cinematic masterpiece Tropic Thunder. One line stuck with us and became an inside joke “Never go full retard”. And of course, as in any unit, there is always one guy who that line applies to a little more than the rest. Sierra was always doing the god dumbest shit you would’ve ever seen. Examples of this were him accidentally using dish soap instead of laundry detergent and consequently being forced to “Do everyone’s laundry until he figured out how to do it right” or the time he forgot his towel when he went to the shower and had to walk buck ass naked out to his room. But one of his “full retard moments” was dumb even for him.

A few months ago, Sierra had fire watch duty and he had the great idea to bring a bunch of protein bars with him. Apparently, he had one and asked the other guy up there if he wanted one the answer was no. throughout the night Sierra had the whole box. of protein bars and wound up throwing up all over the place. Not only was he not even supposed to have the food up there, to begin with, but when he was being yelled at for its Sierra explained that he thought Protein bars didn’t count as food. To make matters worse he was told the next day he had “clean everything until there was no more dirt or puke anywhere”. Sierra respectfully and eagerly obliged seeing that he was getting off easy. After being issued this command a little while goes by and later the officer comes back, and sierra is nowhere to be seen. After investigating they found sierra sweeping the dirt a little way off from where he threw up the night prior. I wasn’t there but apparently; the conversation went something like this.

“Sierra what the hell do you think you’re doing!”

“Good morning Sir! I am cleaning up the dirt as you asked!”

“Cleaning the dirt?”

“Yes, sir I already finished by where I threw up last night and am working on it over here now.”

This apparently gave the officer a good laugh and also resulted in even further punishment for Sierra. HE was running laps around the building the rest of the day because according to the officer “It’s the only thing a dumbass like him won’t mess up”.

Now that a few months have passed he has yet to do something that stupid again. The rest of the guys and I still won’t let him live down trying to clean up the dirt off of the ground though. And he has earned the permanent nickname “full retard”.