Major Bust by OSI at USAF Base

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 A Rogue Air Force Maintenance Officer


The Pentagon is resting a little easier today after a major arrest conducted by the Office of Special Investigations took down a rogue Air Force officer who threatened the very fabric and heritage of the USAF. Senior leaders were able to breathe a partial sigh of relief that his subversive actions had been brought to a halt, but there is a very real fear that his influence may have spread to other units and branches.

General Billy Mitchell, father of the USAF

Major (Lt Col select) Lucas Mitchell, distant relative of General Billy Mitchell, was arrested today by the OSI. Up until his arrest he was commanding officer of an Aircraft Maintenance Squadron at an undisclosed base. The Pentagon has directed that the name of the base and squadron be sealed until containment efforts have been completed. On the condition of anonymity, a high-level insider disclosed, “We cannot allow this sort of thing to get out and infect other units. This guy was dangerous, and we need to get a handle on how many base personnel he was able to flip. This is bigger on our radar now than China. We knew something bad was going on at this unit when morale soared right along with aircraft availability. It stank to us like an Al Udeid porta potty!”

Rogue Leadership

Scant details were provided by USAF Public Affairs, but we were able to get a transcript of a summary of the OSI observations that led to Major Mitchell’s arrest.:

  1. Inadequate Leadership:

Major Mitchell recognized the corrosive effect that poor leadership can have on a unit. He embarked on a mission to instill trust and confidence in his troops by leading by example. Through consistent displays of competence, integrity, and a genuine concern for his people, he became a beacon of reliability, setting a standard of leadership that inspired others to follow suit.

  1. Excessive Bureaucracy:

The suffocating grip of bureaucracy was a stumbling block for the unit's efficiency. Major Mitchell initiated a top-down review of administrative processes, streamlining procedures, and eliminating redundant paperwork. By doing so, he liberated his subordinates from the quagmire of red tape and ancillary training, allowing them to focus on their primary mission.

F-16 aircraft elephant walk

  1. Inadequate Training and Equipment:

Recognizing that a well-prepared airman is a confident airman, Major Mitchell pushed for comprehensive training programs and ensured that his unit was equipped with the best available resources. He worked tirelessly to secure funding for advanced job specific training modules and state-of-the-art equipment, providing his troops with the confidence that they were prepared for any challenge that lay ahead.

  1. Long Work Hours:

Major Mitchell understood the toll that extended hours took on his airmen’s physical and mental well-being. Implementing a more flexible work schedule and rotating responsibilities, he aimed to strike a balance between operational demands and the need for rest and recuperation.

  1. Inequitable Treatment:

Fairness and equality were the cornerstones of Major Mitchell's leadership philosophy. He vigilantly monitored promotions, assignments, and recognitions to ensure that every subordinate received their due based on merit rather than favoritism.

  1. Lack of Work-Life Balance:

Major Mitchell was acutely aware of the strain that a lack of work-life balance imposed on his people and their families. He championed policies that allowed for regular leaves and ensured that deployed airmen could maintain a connection with their loved ones through consistent communication channels.

  1. Ineffectual Communication:

To bridge the gap between officers and enlisted personnel, Major Mitchell implemented an open-door policy. He encouraged candid feedback and established regular forums for dialogue, fostering an environment where ideas flowed freely, and concerns were addressed promptly.

US military prison

  1. Inconsistent Disciplinary Measures:

Major Mitchell enforced a clear and consistent disciplinary code, ensuring that infractions were met with fair and proportional consequences. This approach bolstered trust within the unit, as airmen knew that their actions, good or bad, would be met with a just response. He applied these same standards to himself as well as his peers and superiors.

  1. Upper Leadership Interference and Lack of Support:

Major Mitchell served as a staunch advocate for his unit, shielding them from unnecessary interference and securing the necessary resources and support from higher echelons. His tireless advocacy instilled a sense of confidence that their superiors had their backs.

USAF F-16's at sunset

  1. Long Hours and Continuous Operations:

Recognizing that sustained operations could lead to burnout, Major Mitchell sought to balance high-tempo missions with periods of respite. He implemented rotation schedules that allowed for recuperation while ensuring the unit's operational readiness remained uncompromised. Dog and pony shows, and VIP visits were drastically restricted while non-essential taskings were dumped.

  1. Unaddressed Ethical Dilemmas:

Major Mitchell encouraged open discussions about ethical dilemmas, creating a culture where people felt comfortable voicing their concerns. Through these conversations, he fostered a collective sense of responsibility and helped his unit navigate the complexities of modern warfare with integrity.

  1. Lack of Input in Decision-Making:

Major Mitchell believed that the best decisions were those made collaboratively. He actively sought input from his troops, valuing their expertise and experiences. This inclusive approach not only led to better decisions but also empowered his troops, fostering a sense of ownership and pride.

  1. High Levels of Repetitive Tasks:

Major Mitchell recognized the draining effect of monotonous tasks on morale. He delegated responsibilities thoughtfully, ensuring that each airman had opportunities for growth and development. This approach not only reduced the burden of repetitive tasks but also fostered a sense of purpose and progression.

  1. Unresolved Conflicts and Tensions:

Major Mitchell was adept at identifying and mediating conflicts within his unit. Through open and honest conversations, he encouraged resolution and provided a safe space for subordinates to express their grievances. This proactive approach created a harmonious and cohesive unit.

Mold in military housing

  1. Poor Living and Working Conditions:

To Major Mitchell, the well-being of his people extended beyond the squadron. He relentlessly lobbied for improvements in living quarters, ensuring that his people had access to clean and comfortable accommodations. Additionally, he advocated for enhancements in working conditions, creating an environment conducive to productivity and well-being.

Note from the conclusion of the report: “Never in the history of the OSI have we ever seen someone taking actions like this. We will continue to investigate further to try to uncover where Maj Mitchell learned these tactics. We suspect that he may be a mole of the Chinese Communist Party. Updates will follow as they become available. Rest assured that this is top priority among all OSI offices and has been communicated to the investigative services of the other branches.”

 Subordinate Feedback

This reporter was able to contact some of the people under Major Mitchell’s command to get their input on his ability as a commander. Names have been redacted to protect the respondents.

“Major Mitchell's tenure as an officer stands as a testament to the transformative power of empathetic leadership. Through his unwavering dedication to our well-being and his astute attention to the issues plaguing our unit, he elevated morale, turning a once-disheartened group into a formidable force. His legacy endures in the lives he touched and the people he inspired to become leaders in their own right.”

“His legacy reverberates far beyond his time in command. He transformed us into a model of excellence, setting a standard for other military formations to emulate. Those of us who served under his leadership will be carrying forward his principles of empathy, integrity, and unwavering dedication.”

“Our unit received numerous accolades and awards but the most cherished recognition for him was the individual success of the people he led.”

“Major Lucas Mitchell's story is one of profound transformation. Through his keen understanding of the challenges facing us and his unwavering commitment to our well-being, he turned a dispirited group into a force to be reckoned with. His legacy lives on in us. But we are afraid of what HQ will replace him with and the fear is palpable.”

"Major Mitchell was more than just our commanding officer; he was a mentor, a protector, and a true advocate for every one of us. When he took charge, there was an immediate shift in the atmosphere. We knew we had someone who genuinely cared about our well-being."

"Long hours and tough missions are part of the job, but Major Mitchell made sure we weren't just another resource to be managed, but human beings with families and dreams. He rearranged schedules, fought for our leaves, and always had an open ear for our concerns. It made a world of difference."

"It's not just the material things, like better equipment and improved living conditions, though those were crucial. It was the feeling that we mattered. That our sacrifices were recognized and appreciated. That's a powerful motivator, and it turned us into a tighter, more effective team."

"Lucas was the epitome of a leader. He wasn't just about giving orders; he was about lifting us up, empowering us to be the best versions of ourselves. His approach fostered a sense of camaraderie and trust that was unparalleled in my experience."

"It was like watching our unit come alive. The change in morale was palpable, and the results spoke for themselves. Under Major Mitchell's command, the unit's performance exceeded all expectations, and it was clear that his methods were something special. People even made morale patches in his honor. Major Mitchell transformed a disheartened unit into an indomitable force, tackling a myriad of issues that plagued his people. His arrest was a travesty! A true Blue Falcon move.”

“Major Mitchell's commitment to his people didn't end with their service. He was a tireless champion for veterans' rights and well-being. His influence was felt in policy changes and the establishment of programs aimed at supporting servicemen and women transitioning to civilian life. Lucas showed us that being a leader doesn't stop when you take off the uniform. His dedication to veterans and their families set a new standard for post-service advocacy. Mitchell constantly awarded people with challenge coins for their service. He ensured that those who served received the care and resources they needed to thrive in civilian life."


To the chagrin of the DoD, the ripple effects of Major Lucas Mitchell's leadership may extend far beyond the confines of his unit. His approach has become a beacon of hope and inspiration for service members across all branches of the military. We have indications that the news of his success has spread, and leaders from various units may be seeking to replicate his methods. This has the Pentagon worried as it is a direct threat to the status quo and the good ole boy network.

A senior officer who observed Major Mitchell's impact, remarked, "Mitchell demonstrated that true leadership is not about authority, but about genuine care for those you lead. His methods were a masterclass in how to address the critical issues that affect morale and effectiveness. He set a standard for leadership that we don’t want anyone to emulate. We simply cannot allow this sort of behavior to multiply. I simply will not stand for it in my Air Force! The principles and strategies employed by Major Mitchell must not find their way into leadership curricula and training programs. His subversion must become a case study in military academies, and his approach disseminated in manuals and seminars. Enlisted and officers alike must be provided guidance on how to combat his poisonous teachings which are counter to good order and discipline.”

 Just to Piggyback

Of course, this is satire, but good satire is based on truth and in many cases that underlying truth can teach some valuable lessons about good and bad human behavior.

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